Who Has a Birthday?

(Outside of a 7/11 we see a middle-aged man, BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT, yelling angrily into a pay phone. It is about 4:00PM, sunny)

GOLDTHWAIT

Well maybe now I WILL set your chair on fire, but certainly not as a GUEST! ... oh so we're gonna call that an arson threat now? Well, have fun trying to squeeze money out of THIS sad mother-fucker, my public defender and I will see you in court. (angrily slams down phone then quickly, desperately checks the change slot)

(The 7/11 doors whirr open, out steps HELENA BONHAM CARTER, drumstick ice-cream cone in one hand, bag of miscellaneous items dangling from the other)

CARTER

(At first trying to ignore him, then realizing who he is after slyly slipping a peek) Bobcat! Goldthwait! Oh wow, I'm a...I'm a big fan! Oo, I just saw Sleeping Dogs Lie!

GOLDTHWAIT

(slightly shocked, trying to regain his composure and put on a toned-down version of his stage persona)Oh wellll, I guess that makes one of us! It wasn't the most p-p-popular or nothing! But I did LOOVE your Planet of the Apes!

CARTER

(having a good time, smiling, laughing) Ha, you're already funny you don't have to be nice too.

GOLDTHWAIT

If I were the nice guy I'd warn you before Lenny Kravitz scares the shit out of you!

(CARTER laughs before realizing it's not really that much a joke, giving LENNY KRAVITZ enough time to sneak up behind her and scare the shit out of her)

KRAVITZ

BOO! (CARTER wheels around, astonished)

CARTER

Lenny! What on earth are you doing here!

KRAVITZ

Well I could be asking you the same question! It's like you all had a party and didn't invite--

(he stops suddenly in the middle of his statement, as if struck by an epiphany)

KRAVITZ (CONT'D)

It's as if...you all had a BIRTHDAY party...and didn't invite me.

(Now CARTER and GOLDTHWAIT look similarly struck. They turn to one another, questioningly at first, their eyes slowly widening as they figure out what KRAVITZ has gleaned)

GOLDTHWAIT

(Accent strong at first, then fading as he realizes the situation fully) OH g-g-GOD, it's our...it's...it's ALL of our....

CARTER

It's...OUR...birthday! This is...OUR birthday!

(They look at each other back-and-forth, CARTER'S drumstick has begun to melt in the sun onto her arm, but she does nothing. KRAVITZ'S car has been idling the entire time, and continues to for a full 2-minutes after anyone has said anything.)